What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 08:22
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Would this be the day?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Can you provide some examples of music with a free form structure?
It was going to be , some day.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I waited trembling.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was seconnd youngest,
How will the article end in Part III of Gleissner's hit piece?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I couldn’t, believe it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why didn’t Obito confront Kakashi after he witnessed him kill Rin?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Put me off passion for life!!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
What is a good comeback for when someone calls you flat?
When she asked me how she looked .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Which is a better option, a love marriage or an arranged marriage in India?
We all went to grammer schools
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One cannot live in the past .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was scared of men, in general
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As i do to all so called friends.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was 9 years of age.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So whats the point in blame.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im still living with it.
I don,t even have a pension.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was very sick at this time too.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I write beautiful poetry .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Who then, do I blame.?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She was in good health!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were not on the streets..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
Ive learnt so much.
She loved him until the end.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
What did i know ?
She married twice! .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So, i spoilt her more .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But it wasn’t much.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I have no regrets .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She wouldn,t have been !
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My family never makes their pension either.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Was to survive, this bastard.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She found it foreign!.
All the time i was locked up.
I will be 64.
My life is so biszare .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I think the readers, may guess!
Comes on , in middle age.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He knew the spot.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He resisted the act ,that day.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I said to her
This is soul school!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And i lived it daily.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.